How I got to now

Hey, hello...How are you? I'm...nervous...and excited...I've been wanting to do this for so long now and here I am...with a blog!

My name is Jo and I have spent the last few months changing my path, starting a new journey...it's going to be a long one but my hope is that by keeping this blog, I can keep a diary for myself and maybe inspire someone (could it be you?) along the way.

In 2002 I completed my degree in Illustration...as it turns out I am not a very good Illustrator, it was a struggle and at the end of my course my tutor asked me if he could show my work to the Head of Textiles because he thought actually I might be more of a Surface Pattern Designer...she called me a few days later and left a message...I never called her back and I've regretted that ever since.

I've actually spent the last decade or so being a Librarian, it has been a great job, honestly I've loved it...but I just quit...I'm going to see if my  tutor was right...I want to be a Surface Pattern Designer.

Now I haven't just arrived at this decision, it's something that the powers that be have been gently pushing me towards for the past year. This is how I got to now...

It started whilst watching an episode of 'Liberty of London' on Channel 4 (Series 1, Episode 2), and seeing Emma Mawston, The Head of Design, being wonderfully creative and passionate about her career and her art, she reignited my love for pattern in those few minutes and planted the seed for a complete life change...I wouldn't be here without her, so thank you Emma, you were a total inspiration!

Then I had my third baby, my third daughter and the first time I saw my girls all together a very strange thought went through my head, "what will they say about me when I'm dead?"...I know, weird right? And dark...it was there and gone in a split second but it made me realise that I needed to change a few things.

Then came a conversation with Will.i.am of Black Eyed Peas/ The Voice fame....a one sided conversation where I did most of the talking.
It was about 3am and I was doing the night feed with the baby, I was watching a Sky Arts programme which turned out to be a series of interviews with creative people from all areas of the arts and this one just happened to be with Will.i.am. Now, I'm not a BEP fan, I don't own any of his music but what he said in the programme has stuck with me ever since. He was talking about the idea that if you discover your gift, your talent, whatever that may be, it's your job, your duty to be the best you can be at it and to put it out into the world. I listened to him talk and sat there on my sofa and said "yes Will, you're right, life is short, and if I don't change things now, then when?" During the interview he was recording parts of his song , 'Mona Lisa', I downloaded it the next day and whenever I feel like I can't do this...I play it and reminds me to keep going.

I knew that being a Librarian was fine but it wasn't my passion and it wasn't where my talent lies...I'm an artist, there, I said it!

Next came a conversation with my husband. He was feeling rather lack-lustre about his job, it's pretty stressful and time consuming and he expressed the feeling that despite working all hours he wasn't feeling particularly satisfied and I very flippantly replied that I felt exactly the same, mainly to let him know that he wasn't alone in this. Later that night I really thought about that comment and realised that I actually did feel like that and that wasn't okay.

At this point, I knew that I needed to actually do something with these thoughts and feelings. I did some research and decided to do an online summer school course in surface pattern design...I loved it! Suddenly I was sketching, drawing and painting again, it felt like home.

And so here I am now, I have been teaching myself Adobe Illustrator...which has brought me to tears on many occasions, it's a beast and I've just finished the second module of a year long course in SPD. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be doing something I adore but I'm plagued by self doubt, creative black holes and mind-numbing jealousy at the skills and beauty of other peoples work...but I'm here, I'm doing it, I'm not giving up, I'm going to make this happen...Will.iam told me so!